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Tyler Perry (yes, that guy from Star Trek) makes movies for black people who go to church.  Which is perfectly fine.  Unfortunately his movies kinda suck except for the drag character that he plays, Madea.  That bitch is funny as shit!  Anyway, if you haven’t seen his movies just watch the trailers (isn’t that why YouTube was invented?) and you’ve pretty much seen the best bits.  The rest is just sad, mad, black (and beautiful) women moping around until they finally marry (and bone) the horny-as-fuck guy who’s been fixing their car for the last 6 months.

Anyhoo, since TP’s rise to total dominance within the urban filmmaking genre (suck it Spike Lee)…sorry, Urban is the category that Hollywood puts African-Americans in, even if they live in the ‘burbs…his films have basically been more and more about the Madea character and less and less about anything else (except that one about coloured women who want to kill themselves…probably because they were forced to watch a Tyler Perry movie).

The latest one is called Madea’s Big Happy Family and the posters are interesting from a “this is popular right now” perspective.  Interesting in that they’ve reduxed three posters from this years Academy Award nominees as well as one classic and…another film.

I’ll leave it up to you to decide whether it’s genius counterprogramming or villainous bandwagon-jumping.

The Godfather/doGfather/Godmother

The Madea Bunch

True Grits

The King’s/Queen’s Speech

The REAL Black Swan (and Jim Carrey)

So, rather than make any real posters, just steal everyone else’s, ride the bandwagon and see if people will go and see your stupid fucking film.  This is what happens when people with no imagination are given a lot of money.  But, I guess, if Jim Carrey’s doing it it must be ok, right?  Yeah, didn’t think so.

With the rise of Texas Hold ‘em Poker around the world, we are seeing more and more films take hold of it as the gambling game of choice.  The keystone Hold ‘em films are Rounders, starring Matt Damon, and Lucky You (Eric Bana) and it has also popped up in other mainstream releases such as Michael Clayton, I Love You Man and The 40 Year-Old Virgin.

But probably the biggest film to feature Hold ‘em at a critical, plot turning moment is the James Bond reboot, Casino Royale.  Taking the name and some elements of Ian Fleming’s first Bond novel, it has been given a more populist slant by changing the showdown game from Baccharat (still the likely choice of major gamblers, but also a game with little to no skill element) to Texas Hold ‘em.

With Bond trying to bust out cash-strapped international money laudnerer Le Chiffre, leaving him at the mercy of his evil criminal cohorts, they face off in an all-or-nothing game of Texas Hold ‘em on a table featuring an assortment of cliched casino types.  In a key scene Bond takes down a massive pot, knocking out the last three players, Le Chiffre included, taking their entire bankroll.

Now while that may be cinematic, to the experienced poker player it is packed full of bullshitty goodness.  Breaking down the action shows a number of moments that simply wouldn’t happen in a real, high-level game of Texas Hold ‘em Poker.

If you need to run over the rules, Wikipedia’s Texas Hold ‘em Page is a good starting point.

Let’s break it down;

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One of the hardest things in screenwriting is making sure that your characters act according to their own internal logic, driving the story forward in a manner consistent with their personalities and beliefs.

This is called The Character’s Imperative and it is important to get right so that your audience isn’t knocked out of the story by second guessing your character’s choices.

When characters are made to act inconsistently, jumping through hoops so that the writer can hit certain beats or fulfill criteria laid out for them in their favourite screenwriting book, the (uninitiated) audience is left with wondering why the hell that character made that choice. This breaks down the natural logic of that world and, even in a reality where strange things happen, makes the story seem unreal.

The key to supressing the Writer’s Imperative is to create fully developed characters whose needs and goals match the needs and goals of the story. By taking the time to create flawed and needy characters who will logically make decisions that would seem odd from anyone else, you allow the audience to accept the reality they are presented with and focus on the story rather than how stupid/lame/inexplicable the main character is.

Screenwriting is one of those cool things that has entire sections set aside for it in hip, happening bookstores like this one.

As with anal peircing, Hungarian history and De Stijl art they’re usually on the bottom row, gathering dust.  But if you look under the Ingemar Bergman biographies you can find some real treasures, filled with guaranteed ways to sell your awesome Ninja vs. Zombie Rom/Com to Hollywood in five minutes or less, right?

Wrong!  Unlike date piercing and De Stijl, they are a total fucking scam.

Most screenwriting books are written by talentless douches who have never sold a script worth turning into a film.  But they’ve got ideas!  Millions of them.  And 999,998 of them are bullshit.

Here are the only two you need to write a good screenplay.

#1 – Want

Your main character must want something enough to break out of his ordinary life.

#2 – Change

Events must transpire that change the main character’s situation so that his want is continually tested.

That’s it.

All commercially viable films have these two elements.  Of course there are exceptions (and we can start a discussion going on that if you like) but only enough to prove the rule.  The Want element is sometimes called Character.  The Change element is sometimes called Plot.  Either way they are both important if you want an audience to be interested in your film, tell others to go see it and give you shitloads of money.  The more WantChange you can have in your film, the better.

Let’s look at some examples of the Rules in place.

Groundhog Day

Bill Murray hates Punxatawney and wants to get the fuck out of there asap.

His feelings for his new producer Andie MacDowell and a change in the space/time continuum force him to stay.

Star Wars

Luke Skywalker wants to get the fuck off of Tattooine and go fly a spaceship.

The death of his Aunt and Uncle and an encounter with two droids and a creepy old guy make this a possibility.

Got it?

Now go write a screenplay.

Oh, wait…you don’t have a good idea for one?  We’ll talk about that in the next blog.